i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
