Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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