Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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