So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
