i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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