tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
