he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
