You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
