these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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