At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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