I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
