I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
