I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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