turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
