I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
