what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
