On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
