Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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