I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
