the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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