So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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