you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is Oprah even human
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
