Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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