I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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