He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
