At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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