I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
