you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
