i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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