Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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