Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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