Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
