Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.