well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑