he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
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White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?