due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
