Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up

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(805): She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up http://tfl.nu/rsnf

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

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(336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll http://tfl.nu/6m63

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(316): View more from Kansas

Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

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(316): Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can. http://tfl.nu/zubg

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(479): View more from Arkansas

yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face

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(479): yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face http://tfl.nu/63az

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(949): View more from California

you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.

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(949): you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano. http://tfl.nu/kwsa

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(847): View more from Illinois

Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.

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(847): Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer. http://tfl.nu/vx01

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

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(603): I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part. http://tfl.nu/7yrx

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(315): View more from New York

He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.

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(315): He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again. http://tfl.nu/0egr

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(734): View more from Michigan

I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.

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(734): I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again. http://tfl.nu/x69l

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?

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(610): Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen? http://tfl.nu/hze5

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(802): View more from Vermont

He's yummy.

(613): View more from Ontario

HE'S GAY. AND 40.

(802): View more from Vermont

Irrelevant.

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(802): He's yummy. (613): HE'S GAY. AND 40. (802): Irrelevant. http://tfl.nu/3zsj

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(323): View more from California

I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw

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(323): I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw http://tfl.nu/ax52

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm two sheets to the sexual wind

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(859): I'm two sheets to the sexual wind http://tfl.nu/hwsp

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(859): View more from Kentucky

We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.

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(859): We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot. http://tfl.nu/b8ei

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches

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(832): I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches http://tfl.nu/e6l8

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