you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I want a musical about memes.
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