9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
