Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
