It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
