New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
