The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
