You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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