Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
