well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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