This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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