you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
