my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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