I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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