One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
