hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
