You can't motorboat a personality
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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