i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
