I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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