I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
