i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
