Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
