The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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