Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
