I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
