Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Randomize
