Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
