plz talk dirty to me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
