You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
