Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
