Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
