I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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