where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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