So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
